RWBYiacs
by Raiyu Jinto
Summary: The RANDOMNESS faced by the the RWBY Cast like you've NEVER SEEN IT! I can't explain. Rated T for Language.


"JAUNE ARC, GET YOUR SCRAWNY BLONDE ASS BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"

"PLEASE! Snow ange- I MEAN WEISS! Let's talk this out! I'm a lover, not a fighter!"

Jaune was being chased by Weiss. The reason? He accidentally walked in on her changing. He wanted to ask Ruby if she wanted to play video games, but all he got was a short – yet unforgettable – glimpse of his wildest dreams…

And now he's as good as dead.

* * *

Cardin puffed his chest while wailing his mace around, standing in an arena filled with ripped and battered Jaune dummies. "BWAHAHA! Who dares come into the arena and face ME?!"

Sun Wukong had a smirk on his face. Cardin's self-proclaimed winning streak was about to come to an end (And by "self-proclaimed winning streak", I mean "constantly-beating-on-Jaune-streak"). "I DO!"

"Then enter, monkey man, and face the wrath of my TOTALLY DISADVANTAGED STUPIDITY OF POWER!"

Sun entered the ring, but left his weapon on his seat.

"You dare to enter the battle WITHOUT your weapon?! TRULY, you are either a FOOL or a…er…. BIGGER FOOL!" The bully yelled.

"I won't need that to defeat you." The monkey-faunus remarked. "I'll just have to…

… Stand."

Cardin was confused, but immediately shook it off by charging head-first at Sun, who wasn't fazed by the berzerker's assault. All her did was yell 2 words:

"STAR NEPTUNE!"

Suddenely, smoke appeared out of nowhere, and emerged from it was a man(?) who had blue tear-like makeup on his face, blue hair, headphones which were painted platinum, a skin-tight swimming shirt, tight leather pants with an ocean-blue cloth covering the 'nether-regions', wearing what looked like a fake monkey tail, and metallic shoes.

And the man(?) proceeded to repeatedly punch Cardin's face at the speed of sound. Right, left, right, left, so on, while saying the same thing:

"WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA WUKA

WUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKAWUKA

WUKANGA!" With one final punch, Cardin was shot out of the building.

* * *

"Nora?"

"Yes Ren?"

"Why does the dorm smell like droppings?"

"I dunno."

"…Nora?

"Yes Ren?"

"Why is our dorm filled with sloths?"

"Well, on initiation, I said 'We should imitate sloths', and we never got around to it. So I thought 'What's the best way to learn about an animal?' So then I thought 'By studying them upclose!' Then I went to a pet store and bought all the sloths, and that's why they're here."

"… So you wanted to study sloths by adopting a bunch of them?"

"Yes. I even named them all! This one's Slothy, this one's Slotheles, this is Sephersloth, this is Golisloth, Behesloth, Slothamus Prime, Slothlebee, Pikasloth, Slothmura, Kyuslothey…"

Ren sighed. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

Pyrrha was covered in bruises. For once, much to her and EVERYBODY'S surprise, Weiss _destroyed_ her when reaching to kill Jaune. Something besides Jaune was taken from her that day: Her unbeatable dignity.

Ruby was currently patching her up. The young reaper held a lot of respect for the Spartan, even after her incredibly immediate defeat. The gold-covered champion wore bandages on one side of her face, her side, her left leg, her arm, there were burn marks on her chest and stomach, a large slash mark on her torso (Thank you, Myrtenaster) and she also had a black eye.

"Welp, there's no stopping Weiss, so we might as well watch the show." Said Ruby, who– after putting the First Aid Kit away – opened a large bag of cookies and started to eat. "Want some?" She asked Pyrrha, who immediately accepted, taking a handful, and chowing it down faster than Ruby runs. Ruby noticed this.

' _She's probably like those people who eat a lot when they're upset._ ' The young reaper thought.

* * *

"WAAAA! M-My… MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!" Yang cried.

She and Blake were in the infirmary. Not because either of them were injured, but because Yang almost incinerated Russel's entire skeletal structure when he accidentally dropped a burger on her hair when passing by her. And Glynda wasn't going to let her leave until he woke up and she apologized.

Blake 'sympathetically' patted her on the back, given up on getting her to stop crying. She sat there, with her book in on hand, a cooking mitten on the other, patting the burning blonde. Seriously, you could roast marshmallows over her head. In fact, Blake was getting hungry, and was considering it. Actually, she thought the nurse even had a pack sitting on her des-

"DON'T. EVEN. THINK ABOUT IT!" Yang hissed at Blake.

The bowed-ninja groaned in displeasure. Until she smelled something burning. She looked up to see the hospital curtain burning at the contact of Yang's hair.

"Oh no…"

* * *

"Sun, you owe me." Neptune said.

"C'mon, it was AWESOME!" Sun replied.

"That had to have been the stupidest thing I've ever said. And done."

"How fast were you punching that guy? How'd you even do that?!"

"I borrowed some of Weiss's Clockwork Dust. She was nice enough to lend it to me. Now I have to make it up to her. Somehow."

"Yeah, good luck with that."

"H-Hey, you owe me! You're helping me!"

"Nah. You're on your ow- IS WEISS GONNA KILL JAUNE?!

"What?"

The 2 boys saw Weiss slowly walking up to a cornered Jaune with Myrtenaster. The rapier was covered in spinning glyphs, like a drill that was about to pierce something. In a bloody, gory fashion.

"Dude, we gotta save him!" Sun said.

"Y-Yeah, but how?!" Neptune stammered.

"Hm… STAR NEPTUNE!"

"NO!"

"Don't punch her, just catch her blade before it hits Jaune. Simple."

"CATCHING A BLADE IS NOT 'SIMPLE'"

"It should be for someone who can now see things faster than they happen. Now let's go."

"That's not how it wor- H-HEY, WAIT!"

* * *

"This is OUTRAGEOUS, simply OUTRAGEOUS I tell you!"

Profe-… DOCTOR Oobleck was marching back and forth. In his classroom was Ozpin – who looked unamused beyond all belief, sipping at his coffee regularly, - Glynda – who was called by the green-haired coffee lover, but told Yang to stay in the infirmary until Russel woke up – and Port – who was on the verge of falling asleep.

"Why, this is absolutely DREADFUL!" He yelled.

Glynda was on the verge of murdering one of the men in the room unless he started talking. "Bartholomew, if you don't tell us what's going on, I may as well leave no-

"HOW CAN YOU BE APATHETIC TOWARDS SUCH A CRISIS?!"

Glynda was about to tear her hair out "WHAT CRISIS?!"

"WE'RE OUT OF COFFEE!"

* **BANG** *

Port's snot bubble popped as the sound of a bang shakes the room, and the other 2 bickering teachers turned to the source.

"W-We're… **OUT OF COFFEE**?!" Ozpin yelled.

"Oh no…" Glynda pinched the bridge of her nose.

* * *

Jaune was cornered. A dead end. No escape. No further could he go. Nope. Nada. No. Non. Ya. La. The inability to go forward. Death slowly creeping up, riding up his-

" _ **YoU dIE hERe, aRc**_." The twisted hiss slipped from Weiss's murderous self.

Myrtenaster was about to get a lot bloodier. She walked up to his cowering fetal-position self, who was crying waterfalls. Raising the Dust rapier over his head, he could see a light shining off the blade, which was about to be stained with his blood. Pyrrha stood no chance against this Weiss, Ruby wasn't even going to try, and his two other friends, Ren and Nora were dealing with the Sloth Empire. No one would save him, no one would be his knight in shining armor, no help to come.

"WUKANGA!"

Weiss looked to see a ridiculously dressed Neptune holding the stem of Myrtenaster with his palms, an inch away from his own face. And she was even more surprised to see Jaune still alive!

"Haha! Not so fast, Ice Queen!" Sun said, pointing his index finger at the murderous heiress. "We, the combo of Sun Wukong and Star Neptune, shall end you wra- WHY IS BEACON ON FIRE?!"

Beacon was indeed on fire.

*CRASH*

From a window on the Medical Wing, a window broke, and out came Blake, holding a book, a bag of marshmallows, and Yang, who was still sobbing over the stain in her hair. Using her mad parkour skills, she leapt off multiple walls and landed safely on the ground next to Ruby and Pyrrha.

Out of the burning building came countless random students, Glynda, Oobleck and Port (Who was carrying Oobleck).

Glynda immediately ran to Ruby, Blake, Yang and Pyrrha. "Students, have you seen the headmaster-

And then Ozpin's headmaster exploded, with a figure floating where it used to be.

The figure was Ozpin, who had Super Saiyan hair.

"The headmaster IS A FUCKING SUPER SAIYAN?!" Ruby yelled, while Yang was shocked of her sister swearing.

Glynda ran towards Ozpin (Despite him BEING A MILE IN THE AIR).

" **Ka…Meeeee…Haaaaaaa…Meeee…**!" Ozpin yelled.

"YOU'RE GOING TO DESTROY THE WHOLE PLANET, OZPIN! YOU'VE GOT TO STOP IT!"

" **HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-** "

…And Velvet woke up.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Awake 48 hours and still chugging coffee…**

 **:3**

 **RWBY is owned by Rooster Teeth.**


End file.
